Too Much Too Soon

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe" - Albert Einstein, Physicist

I was more than a little dumb this weekend.

Cabin fever was driving me up the walls, and buoyed up by my reasonably successful driving adventure on Friday....the opportunity to go camping near the Cork / Limerick border with friends Saturday night was too hard to resist.

And now I'm really sore....simply too much driving, far too soon. The muscles at the side of my neck feel incredibly tight, I can barely move me head, my oesophagus is complaining rudely at even swallowing water, and my chin and throat area are very tender to touch.
Don't even start me on the totally self-inflicted sunburn....I managed to keep the main wound area covered over with a light scarf...but that did nothing to protect my shoulders, which are glowing as I type!

But sure, for views like this, I'll suck up a little extra pain any day!


In other news...I'm still jumping on the scales religiously every Monday morning, even though I'm not currently, consciously dieting (read: eating very badly, if I'm honest!), or really doing any exercise of note...and combined with the fact that I'm currently hypO...I was mystified, and somewhat delighted, to note that I have lost 2lbs in the last 7 days...if only it was this easy when I *am* dieting and exercising properly...

Painkillers, Bloodtests & Cinnamon Bagels

Today I'm sore again. My neck / throat hasn't physically hurt for a good while. Its been uncomfortable, its felt awkward, it's nearly always stiff, it generally feels like someone has a good tight, choke-hold around it....but it hasn't been sore. Yet today it is hard to swallow, no, painful to swallow...and ironically, swallowing the painkillers this morning was the hardest thing to do. I almost gave up on lunch completely, and was tempted to make a cup-a-soup instead. Its not sore in a 'sore throat' flu way, but sore as in it felt like I was trying to push food or liquids down past a very solid (and bruised) brick...and occasional stabbing pains in my chin area, and in the left-side of my neck.

I don't know why today should be any different, why I have this throat / neck pain. I have a stupid little theory that my painkillers are working so hard on my period pains - which usually cripple me, to the point of lying on the floor flailing & wailing like I'm in labour, and which are currently barely even making background noise in the pain-stakes - that they aren't working on my neck pain. Highly improbable, but its an explanation which my head is happy to settle with.

Hubby and I headed off to my Doctor this morning (I'm still not able to drive) to get my blood tests done, in anticipation of my Endo appointment next week. The first trip was a wasted effort as she had swapped her Nursing Home Visit from Wednesday to Tuesday, so we went home for an hour or two. I made a Chocolate Biscuit Cake (diet is back on the shelf for another week ), whilst hubby made the most of his morning off from work, and caught up on Top Gear re-runs on the Dave channel. We went back after 11.30 am and it was 2nd time lucky. I explained about today's pain, and how I hadn't had actual pain in my neck since I left hospital, but she reminded me that after a thyroidectomy, my oesophagus was likely to be sore for a surprisingly long time. And that it would most probably continue to remind me occasionally that I wasn't as healed as I thought I was.

I also surprised myself by explaining to her that whilst in general I feel OK, I also feel like I'm still 'treading water', only now instead of waiting for my op, and thus in my head for the rest of my life to begin, I'm now sitting around waiting to start feeling hypO. I was just sitting there in the waiting room, thinking to myself how cold it felt. Then I started looking at the other people sitting there, and wondering if they felt a little cold too, or if it was just me. I almost collapsed with relief when one lady piped up to her neighbour and commented on how cold the waiting room was, given the sunny weather outside! Phew, not just me then! Until that moment I don't think I'd even confessed to myself how much I have been possibly over-analysing every little feeling and trying to fit them into the well-known list of classic hypO symptoms.

We also discussed the info I'd discovered on possibly interactions between Xenical and Levothyroxine / Eltroxin. And she reassured me that she had a few thyroid patients successfully combining Eltroxin and Xenical, showing good weight loss, with no significant impact on the efficacy of the Eltroxin. So once the Chocolate Biscuit Cake is safely eaten up and out of my fridge, I'll consider digging out the magic blue pills again. She reassured me that they would be monitoring my thyroid levels *very* closely over the next few months, and that any dose changes needed, would be picked up very quickly. So now was as good a time as ever to start back on the Xenical, if I wanted to do so. But she did also say that if I didn't feel ready to knuckle down on the diet again, and wanted more recovery time, to make my own judgement as to when to start back on the diet pills again. She knows, as well as any of us girls do, that sometimes, when you're feeling low, or in pain, or just a little sorry for yourself...chocolate *IS* the only remedy! :)
(And chocolate is most certainly *NOT* an option when you're taking Xenical!)

In other news...is there a world shortage of Cinnamon Bagels, or is it just localised to my town? I'm hooked on them...but my long suffering husband took me from shop to shop searching for them, and in the end I had to settle for 'fruit loaf' instead....and there is just NO comparison.

New Balls Please!

Happy Birthday Mum!

Boringly, my Eltroxin side-effects are still very much in existence...not aided by going out to a local pub for a light "Birthday Lunch".

When will it stop?

On a lighter note...we dragged out the Nintendo Wii this afternoon, and I managed to thrash my Mum at tennis, without so much as perspiring
Felt good to be feeling well enough to be doing something energetic, even if it was only gentle exercise.

Good to speak to my brother on the phone too.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention....despite going off the Xenical on the 26th May, in anticipation of going into hospital, and despite eating like a horse since I came out, I jumped on the scales this morning to discover I haven't gained a single pound in weight since my last proper weigh-in on the 24th May! Maybe there's an up-side to these Eltroxin side-effects after all ha ha!

Stones & Scalpels

Down another 1lb this week, which is OK.
Two 1lb losses in 2 weeks, and since starting these were the only two weekends I've so far spent at home, not drinking alcohol and not eating semi-crap...go figure? Clearly if I go out drinking & carousing over a weekend I lose more weight? Good thing I've got a 3-day music festival coming up at the end of the month!

And, I hesitate to say it, but that's my first stone gone...even though I promised myself, for my own sanity not to count this in stones this time, but instead to stick to 10lb segments...but, well...its my first stone...woo!

In other news, regarding my thyroid...the appointment with my surgeon *was* my pre-op consultation, and I'm now officially on the waiting list, and due to complications with my windpipe being compressed the surgery is supposed to be sooner rather than later. I will be admitted a week beforehand because my thyroid is so toxic that they have to get my levels as near to perfect before the op, otherwise the complications afterwards will be more severe, yikes! So, guys & gals, it could be next week, next month or next year...but more likely to be within the next few months.
I mentioned my GA fears to him, with regards to my weight etc...but he said he's operated on 'larger ladies' with no problems, and the operation really does need to be done ASAP because of the windpipe problem so they are unwilling to let me go too long.
Still, I'm going to keep plugging away with the Xenical as it really is the only thing that has worked for me for years. And I'm now "Double Wii Fit-ing" each day, to really go to task on the cardio and aerobic exercises....overweight or not, I want to be as heart-fit as I can be before the anaesthetist plugs me with happy juice!

As you know, I have Grave's Disease/Hyperthyroidism, complicated by a large, toxic, multi-nodular goitre...however I have only just learned that this pesky goitre has compressed my windpipe down to less than 8mm in diameter!!! Hence the problems I have with breathing, swallowing and snoring like a "pig with bronchitis, on a freight train" I feel I surely should have been informed of this after my CT Scan last summer...I distinctly recall my Endo saying the scan was fine and everything was good...ho hum!

So there you have it...my weekly update...the weight is still coming off, and the surgery plans have been brought drastically forward!

So, surgery then...

I'm finally on the waiting list for a Total Thyroidectomy.

I was not meant to have my Pre-Op consultation until December, so was rather surprised when I got an appointment with my surgeon sent to me for today...I went along to see what he had to say, and basically, as per my most recent scan, my goitre has now compressed my windpipe to around 10mm and so they are unwilling to wait another 9 months (which was supposed to be *my* get fit/get thinner 9 months! ) because if it squeezes my windpipe any more they will have to take drastic action and do something nasty to my throat so I can continue to breathe....I was still shocked at hearing the first bit to be honest, so didn't take *all* the gruesome details in, sorry.

No idea how soon or otherwise the op will be, but it was indicated that it will be sooner rather than later, and apparently I need to be in for a week before hand, because my thyroid is incredibly toxic at the moment, so they will plug me into to some intra-venous happy juice, and forcefully stop my thyroid from functioning, prior to the op...which is meant to help reduce any nasty problems post-op.
With regards to post-op, the surgery will apparently cause me to go hypocalcaemic pretty much instantly...so I will then have to stay in until my calcium levels are back under control, either naturally, or by then taking a calcium supplement for the rest of my life, in addition to the thyroid replacement meds I'll be on for the rest of my life (ho hum!)
I'll also have a drain tube put in for at least 2 weeks afterwards apparently, and won't be able to talk for a while (yeah, yeah, yeah...hopefully it won't stop my typing though! )

Hubby did a YouTube search for thyroidectomy surgery at work this afternoon....and strongly recommended that I *DON'T* do the same!
He also suggested I avoid films such as 'Awake' and 'Flatliners' until after the op too....he's SO thoughtful, ha ha!

I also need to confess that I've never had a general anaesthetic before and I am utterly, utterly bat-shit shit-scared

Easter is a Chocolate-Free Zone

Down 1lb this week....and considering the 'chocoholic/food-gorging weekend' that's in it I reckon that's pretty good going!

I did sneak one creme egg....just one, honestly! After all, I think its law to eat at least one at Easter isn't it?

But other than that our household is an 'Easter-Egg-Free Zone' and that has made this weekend a whole lot easier to deal with, whilst I'm taking Xenical

However, as yesterday was not only Easter Sunday, but also my husband's birthday...and I'm really not that much of a miserable cow....I made him a Fat-Free Chocolate Cake, and adding my own small twist, I sliced it in half, like a Victoria Sponge, and spread in a layer of WW Raspberry jam....too, too good!! Awesomely good...and really not all that sinful!

In the morning we had poached eggs on brown toast, and for our main meal we enjoyed a Roast Chicken, using this recipe, substituting chicken for turkey....with Herby Roast Potatoes, plenty of steamed veg, and some low-fat chicken gravy

So I really don't feel deprived of my Easter pig out....we did pig out, but in a Xenical-friendly way

Today, we're making soup with the left-over chicken, and loads of veggies. Yum!

Off to see my surgeon on Thursday...and still no clearer as to why I'm seeing him now, in April, and not in 9 months time in December ....will report back soon!

Good News & Scary News!

Down 3 lbs this week...woo hoo!

Delighted with that...although I reckon its totally undeserved!

Knowing I was heading into the weekend from hell...with a friend's very messy birthday party on the Saturday night....and an almost-equally boozy night planned with another group of friends on the Friday night, before trying to act naturally in front of a TV camera crew on Saturday morning....meant that I chickened out and stopped the blue pills Thursday evening. Again, I tried to make the best decisions I could, but also knew I wouldn't be punished by over-doing it a little.

So I think my saving grace was Wii Fit Plus....oh how I love that! I did 40 mins each day all last week, and I truly think that is what made the difference and got me over the rocky road that was this weekend just gone.

Ramped it up to a 60 minute session today, and hope to sustain that each day this week....although this evening I'm definitely feeling those extra 20 minutes that I did today...so will go back to 40 mins of daily routines if I'm struggling.

The weather here today was utterly horrible.....cold, cold rain and nasty wind...the dogs didn't want to stay outside for any longer than necessary, and neither did I...so for days like today the Wii Fit Plus is *perfect*!!! Looks like the rest of week is going to be just as horrible, and the forecasters are even talking about snow...so I am delighted I broke the bank and forked out for it. The Wii will more than earn its money this week, that's for sure!

In other news I was kind of confused to receive an appointment letter this morning for the surgeon who's going to be operating on me...for the 8th April....10 days time!!!? I was under the impression that I wasn't going to be seeing him until December....so yikes, now I'm feeling my weight loss is inferior again, and he's going to tell me off for not being a Perfect 10, and tell me that he can't operate, blah blah blah....very curious to see what he says at that appointment, but also dreading it....I thought I had until December to get as much weight as I could off, before I hit the operating table...and now I'm not so sure what is going on at all?
Also had a job interview last Friday....I so badly need a job right now, and so desperately *want* the job I was interviewed for...so any weight loss I may (or may not) show next week will no doubt be due to the fact that I've been chewing my nails down to the knuckles with anxiety, waiting for their decision... I'm meant to be informed by the end of this week.

PS - Anyone else starting to notice a pattern on my weekends...? I really, really need to rein that in....whilst I seem to be getting away with it for now, I know its going to bite me in the arse at some point, and sooner than I think too!

Latest Xenical Update

OK so I'm up 1 lbs this week....but actually I'm delighted with that.

This weekend just passed was going to be a bad one, so I deliberately went off the pills from Friday morning to reduce any potential side effects...which were thankfully minimal! Back on them this morning - Monday - of course, and back on track.
But is it bad to say I actually enjoyed not having to be quite so strict with stuff yesterday...I didn't go stupid, don't get me wrong, I still made better decisions over stuff than I would have done a month ago...but it was nice not to be such a food-weirdo and have to tell my hostess that I couldn't eat anything (or only *tiny* portions) of the amazing food she had gone out of her way to prepare for us all!
(and I still managed to cycle 8 miles on Saturday...and couldn't believe how much easier it is now to cycle those distances now!)

Added to that its also TOTM...well I say TOTM, but I think its more accurate to just say 'That Time'.....because my cycles are *SO* wildly irregular (thyroid blah!), it can be anything from Time Of The Month to Time of....2 months, 6 weeks, 3 months and even fortnightly (!!! and yes, fortnightly cycles ARE utter hell!).....currently this is Time Of...6 weeks...ho hum!
Apologies to all if that's TMI for you

So to only be up 1 lb this week is pretty miraculous in my eyes!

Didn't get a chance to play with the Wii Fit Plus yet...as we had major telly traumas....our TV proving far too prehistoric and ancient to allow the Wii to work....got that sorted thanks to a good friend who recently upgraded her Home Ents system, and we saved her old TV from the recycling centre! Never mind any animal welfare volunteering that hubby and I do...this weekend we did a bit of TV Welfare & Rescue! So I started Wii Fit Plus today too (works great for taking your mind off the crippling cramps!)...and I'm looking forward to seeing positive results & progress from supplementing my walking & cycling with the Wii

All Systems Go!

A couple of days late with this weekly Xenical update...don't know where my time is going these days?

Warning, its a long one...grab a cuppa and make yourself comfy!

Anyway...1 pound down this week....which is OK. I'd like to have seen more, but I'll happily take any loss on my scales...looking back over my diet for the previous 7 days, and it seems OK, so I can only conclude its all down to my laziness regarding water intake, and not being as disciplined regarding exercise.

Monday was spent in hospital (routine appointment, not an emergency!)
First up was my dietitian who I see every 2 months (and can chat on the phone to at any time if I'm having a crisis). She weighed me in at 300lbs, whereas my scales weighed me that morning at 295lbs...which is OK...at least now I know the margin of error for my scales (hers are calibrated regularly!), and as I use mine weekly, and only get to sit on hers every 2 months, I will continue to use the figures on my own scales for my weigh-ins. Also, my weigh in at home was in my jim-jams...and in her office I was fully clothed...not 5lbs difference I'm sure, but still.

Then after my appointment with her, I then headed to the ENT department, for my appointment with the consultant surgeon who's doing my op. And had a very interesting session there...which involved a conference call, in my presence, with both my dietitian and my Endocrinologist...and the conclusion that they have now officially drawn is that I am, for definite, one of those 4%ers who actually gain weight whilst hyperthyroid, instead of more typically suffering dramatic weight loss, despite increased appetite.
So...they have decided to go ahead with the op now, regardless of how much I weigh...and the deadline for my pre-op consultation is 9 months (that's when I'll finally be put on the surgery waiting list - so fingers crossed could be on the operating table before march 2011...which is excellent news.
Not only because I will no longer feel like *such* a huge failure every time I go into hospital and get weighed by the nurses in the ENT & Endo departments...who do absolutely nothing to hide their disdain and tut loudly as they update my patient records each time.
And secondly, because for the last 18 months I feel like my life has been on hold waiting for a decision on my surgery...initially they were adamant they wouldn't do it until I was below 200lbs, and now they have conceded that it just needs to be done, sooner rather than later, regardless of my weight.
Until I have this op we have virtually no control over my thyroid function, and I'm not allowed to start a family...so although its only a pin-prick in the far distance, I do finally feel there is some light at the end of the tunnel...rather than treading water, and spending another couple of years trying to shift weight that won't move, whilst the ticking of my body clock gets louder and louder until it finally gives up and I'm too old to realistically start a family.
I am so delighted to have finally had a definite decision from my Endo regarding my status as one of the rare 4%ers - its something he has mentioned in the past, but previously refused to confirm it for definite. But it really does seem like the more I try and tickle my metabolism into working for me rather than against me, the more my thyroid fights back and suppresses my metabolism even more.

However, despite the relief of being recognised as a 4%er it doesn't let me off the hook...I still have to keep going, popping the blue pills, and watching my diet like a hawk...it just means my journey will be more difficult...and still the pressure is on to drop the weight, because despite the fact that they are now going ahead with my operation, regardless of my weight, I do also recognise that the heavier I am the harder it is for the anaesthetist, and the higher the risk for me....so it is in *my* own interests to get as much weight off as I can, and to get as 'heart-fit' as I can, before the anaesthetist comes at me with his cocktail of drugs...

I'm trying to walk every day (not just the daily dawdle with the dogs - but a proper, get puffing walk out)...but the Irish weather is so unpredictable its just not always possible.
I'm also trying to cycle more...in fact after my hospital appointments on Monday I drove down to the Shannon, and cycled for about an hour down the river path...felt great afterwards, really chuffed with myself! But cycling locally is reserved strictly for the brave, our local lanes are populated with speeding local lads in their rice-racers, of half blind monks from the local monastery who probably don't have driving licences but who are generally ignored by the local Gardai...despite going out decked in all the hi-viz gear I can find, and looking like some safety fanatic I've had my pedals clipped a couple of times in the last few weeks...so am now limiting my cycling to when I have the time to drive out and find a properly designated cycling trail off the road...or when I'm out bikejoring with my dogs.
So, yesterday I purchased a Nintendo Wii and Wii Fit Plus....I collect it tomorrow...and I just hope I'll be disciplined enough to do it daily.
Would welcome comments from any of you guys regarding the use of Wii Fit to help keep you fit and get the weight off...have absolutely no idea what to expect, but both my GP and my Dietitian have recommended it.

I also really need to get on top of my water intake though, I truly feel that is the key!

Oh, and as of Monday, I'm 10lbs down from my start weight of 305lbs...so that's the first part of my personal 10 x 10 in 2010 Mission done! Yay!!!

Blimey....that was a long post...almost a stream of consciousness spewing from my keyboard! If you've got this far, thank you x

Do You Wii?

In an effort to add some variation to my exercise routine, and find something that will make me work harder than I want to on lazy days...not to mention, something fun I can do indoors on those infamous 'soft days' we have here in Ireland, I have been trying to grab a bargain Wii Fit Plus & Console on Ebay for a while...and finally won one last night. I'm collecting it tomorrow and can't wait! Feel like a kid at Christmas wanting to play with her new toy!

Following up to last week's poached-eggs-tango-drama....it seems it was the BBQ after all...have had poached eggs a couple of times since, and all is well, no tango!
Can't think what at the BBQ might have triggered it, I thought I was so good...but will have to be extra cautious next time!

Aaarrggh - I've Been Tango'd !

Another 4 lbs down this week which I am delighted with

Xenical really *IS* proving to be quite magical!

Especially after another potentially difficult weekend, staying in Roscommon with a different group of people. However, I'm very pleased to say that I think I successfully managed to side step most of the landmines in my way.
Saturday night was a pot luck supper with huge post of delicious stew and another pot of chilli bubbling away on the stove, torturing me with the heavenly smells wafting from the kitchen...after a quiet word with our hostess, she gladly cooked me a couple of quorn burgers and also a huge mountain of veggies...and as a reward to myself for not succumbing to the stew or chilli, I did allow myself the tiniest portion (an inch square, honestly!) of her home-made chocolate biscuit cake...truly sublime!
And at the BBQ on Sunday I hogged out on salads, and gherkins (!) of all things, and no, I'm not preggers(!!??!), and allowed myself two pieces of chicken from the BBQ, although peeling the perfect & crispy skins off the two chicken pieces was heart-breaking (but my dog surely appreciated and totally benefited from my sacrifice ha ha!)
It was an activity weekend for mad folks who do silly things with their dogs (i.e dryland mushing / dog-scootering / bikejoring) so I felt virtually angelic after cycling hard on both Saturday and Sunday too! I just won't talk about the bottle of vodka I consumed Sat night

But after all that virtuous eating, and healthy activity, a very strange thing happened this morning....my first side effect!! Aaaarrggh.
Now a couple of things this morning could have been the result...so I am going to repeat my breakfast another day soon, in order that I can rule in or rule out certain things.
Having successfully eaten an egg, fried no less(!), last week...I thought I'd treat myself to poached eggs for breakfast.
So perhaps that was my mistake...whilst 1 egg is maybe OK for me, perhaps 2 eggs is pushing my luck?
But, the reason I want to repeat this breakfast just to double check (because I do love poached eggs) is because I had a small issue with my blue pill this morning.
Now I do have a problem with some really simple things, mainly due to brain fog, a well known thyroid symptom. I know most, if not all, people can do something occasionally, and not be able to remember 5 mins later if they've done it or not...but for me, and many other 'thyroid brain foggers' things like that happen *all* the time, you really think you're going mad sometimes!
I took all my other pills before I even put the kettle on this morning, and put the blue pill aside on the table for when I came back to the table to eat my breakfast. at least I think I did...I know that it was most certainly my intention to do that, as that's what I always do.
But this morning, when I sat down with my breakfast, there was no blue pill waiting for me. It was gone from the packet, so I definitely popped it in my hand when I was dishing out my pills this morning.
So, either I did take the blue pill with all the other pills without thinking....or...whilst I was busy in the kitchen poaching eggs one of my dogs snaffled it from the table (don't ask, they are sneaky beggars!). Anyway I popped out another blue pill and took that before I started chowing on the poached eggs.

Which means...I don't know if the side effects, which came on about an hour or so later, were due to having 2 poached eggs or by mistakenly taking 2 blue pills...hence why I want to try poached eggs again and see what happens.

I guess its hard to believe I can eat a chicken kebab from a takeaway with no side effects at all, but seemingly 2 innocuous poached eggs on toast unleash the side effects from hell? But I suppose these pills are in control of us now, and what they say goes, whether it makes sense or not?

Ach, wasn't meant to ramble on for that much...but anyway, there's my update

Water, water everywhere...

...but not in me.

And everywhere I look I'm told that, in addition to my Xenical pills, and virtuous diet, I should be snarfing *at least* 2 litres of water each day!

But I'm really struggling to get the water in to me the last couple of days though...every morning I fill (or more accurately 'top up') a 2 litre water bottle, and fill my pint glasses from that bottle....but, apart from a swig around 10pm to wash down pills....if I haven't stopped drinking water by 8pm then I'm up and down all night to the loo....and I just can't seem to get 2 litres down by 8pm, let alone more

And any (clean & family-friendly!) tips on getting 2 litres down my throat?

So Far So Good!

Well I made it through my first week on Xenical with no hint of side effects...and was pleased to see a 5lb loss on the scales this morning.

However, I will be honest, and say I'd like to have seen more come off, if only because I think my record for 'first week' weight loss was a very memorable first week at WW a few years ago, where I lost a whopping 12 lbs, and on my (fairly frequent) previous 'first weeks' on any diet plan I'm usually in the 7-10 lbs range.

But saying all that, I had a difficult weekend in that I was staying with a group of folks, where the annual tradition for this particular trip was to call the local takeaway for a monster delivery on the Friday and Saturday night. I had made the sensible decision to bring my own food to cook in the evenings (gammon steaks, salad & cous cous)...but I guess I started on the vodka too early because when the takeaway menus came out on both evenings, all thoughts of grilling my own gammon steaks went flying out of the window. But despite the vodka consumption I still had enough sense to make the best out of a bad situation, and on both nights chose, what I considered, the safest option of a chicken kebab, with extra salad...which, whilst not necessarily being the best meal on a xenical diet, I fortunately suffered no side effects...on either night, so I guess I got away with it.

So last night, hubby and I finally grilled the gammon steaks...and I was brave enough to try a couple of fried eggs (fried with the one-cal spray)...and that seemed to work out OK too...sure, you can't have gammon without an egg!

And therefore, in fairness, after a weekend of food hell...if anything I should be delighted that the scales showed a loss of any sorts at all...and I really need to straighten my head out!

I feel like I need to go and write lines in punishment for how I feel...

5 lbs off is good
5 lbs off is good
5 lbs off is good
5 lbs off is good
5 lbs off is good
5 lbs off is good....

Those scary first steps...

...into a new life of small blue pills, namely Xenical.

I started on the Xenical on Monday, 22nd February...and weighed in that morning at 305 lbs (yowser!)

I honestly didn't know where to start, or how to proceed.

Someone somewhere on a forum referred to Xenical as those little 'policeman pills' and I think that's an excellent analogy...after I took my first one I was almost too scared to eat anything...such horror stories had I read about the side effects.

But I figured that eating absolutely nothing for the foreseeable future wasn't really practical.

So I bravely prepared my first breakfast....2 x ryvita, 2 x cheese triangles & 2 x pineapple rings (an old staple brekkie from my WW days)...and then I sat back and awaited some sort of response from my body.

Around 11am, I risked an apple with my coffee...and again, adopted a wide-eyed owl stare as I prepared for Armageddon in the bathroom. Over-analysing every minor thing my body did.

I decided to throw all caution to the wind at lunchtime...and had a decadent small tin of baked beans with 2 slices of toast and half a slice of Edam...I moved my calculator and notebook into the kitchen, and so began the mathematics session that now seems to underline every meal...

That afternoon I went to the supermarket...and must have looked like a lost soul as I stared at the fresh meat counter...trying to plan meals for the rest of the week that would satisfy the 5% rule and the 15g rule...and also ensure I didn't inadvertently turn my hard-working husband into an emaciated waif (he's one of those annoying B's who can stuff himself over Christmas, and lose weight whilst doing it, grrr). I refuse to cook two separate meals for us....so I figured the 1/3 and 2/3 system would have to work for now. In other words, whatever I coked in the evening I'd have 1/3 of, and he'd have 2/3rds....so he was eating twice as much as me.

Dinner that night was quorn fillets, with garlic & herbs, cous cous and a green salad - with 0-fat dressing.

Day 2 - and I woke up hungry...which is good (I think?)...as I generally have to force myself to eat breakfast in the mornings....so I decided I'd do a little 'trial & error'....not quite sure how much semi-skimmed milk I could get away with, I tried a small bowl of Alpen (yes I know skimmed milk *would* be better, but having grown up on a dairy farm I just can't bring myself to buy white water, semi-skimmed is as much of a compromise as I can make)

Lunch was half a tin of vegetable soup (yeah, I really should learn to make my own!) with 2 slices of wholemeal toast, and a small bit of flora light.

And Dinner was a really scrummy Cajun chicken dish, with savoury rice and a green salad - dressed with balsamic. The Cajun chicken was packed out with vegetables....and the whole thing was really filling.

Day 3 - and Alpen again....its getting a little boring (already!) but I'm so lethargic in the morning, that if it takes even a small bit of effort I just won't bother. I really could do with some 'grab from the fridge/cupboard' ideas from breakfast....the toaster is too much of a faff first thing in the morning, truly! I'm no good until I've had my first cup of coffee (and cigarette...shhh!) and if I wait that long until I eat then the idea of breakfast at all has gone out of my head. So it needs to be something that I can grab and throw in a bowl or on a plate, with the minimum of preparation...before I've got the coffee poured, and the ashtray ready...

Lunch - baked beans, mixed with sweetcorn, on 2 slices of lightly spread toast.

And dinner...have marinaded some chicken in hoi-sin sauce, and we're in the process of inventing something in the wok...watch this space, ha ha!

Shopping tomorrow...and I still am no clearer than I was when in the shop on Monday regarding what I'm going to be buying...I'm still at the 'trial & error' stage with Xenical and would welcome ideas...meals that stay within the rules, but will also go someway to keep good food in front of my husband.

Thanks for reading so far.

Magic Pills or Snake Oil?

As we all know by now I need to have surgery, and I need to have surgery ASAP. My surgeon won't operate until I have lost a minimum of 100lbs, and thus placed myself in a safer place for a General Anaethstic. I have tried to lose weight the conventional way for the last 12 months, to absolutely no avail. Both my ENT consultant, my ENT surgeon and my dietician have said that if I don't show any positive signs of progress on losing the weight required by my next appointment with them (I see both on 15th march) then they will dump me, and I have to go through the whole referral system again.

I'm 36 yrs old and hubby and I desperately want to start a family...but until I've had this surgery, and thus able to change my current medication, we're simply not allowed. So I really don't want to go through the referral system again...if I can even show them I have lost a stone or most of one by the middle of March, then my surgeon and my dietician will keep me on.

And so I've turned to Xenical...ouch, that's an expensive prescription to fill...fortunately I have joined the Drugs Prescription Scheme here in Ireland so the maximum I pay on all my prescriptions per month is €120...but as I'm currently unemployed and not on benefits, that is still a huge chunk of money to find each month, this had better work!!

My GP suggested Xenical a good while ago...but I was utterly horrified by the potential side-effects, not to mention the costs involved...and so I never got the prescription filled. But this time I have to give it a fair try!

For those who haven't come across Xenical before, its the double-strength, prescription-only version of Alli (as seen on TV)

My Xenical start weight is 305 lbs (yikes!) - wish me luck!

ENT Surgeon Appointment - 13 July 2009

Out of bed early, after an exhausting week away. I wake up dizzy, and continue to have short dizzy spells as I got about my morning chores. A little perturbed I check my blood pressure. It comes in at 144/75, systolic is a little high at 144, but diastolic is good at less than 80...neither reading would explain the dizzy spells, so I put it down the last remaining dregs of this head cold I've been suffering from.
A quick bath, then I head up the road. I'm getting used to the alarming amount of hair that comes out when I wash my hair, regardless of the amount of conditioner I use...but its still distressing to see all that lovely hair just falling out all over the place, with very little encouragement. I often get my husband to detangle my hair after a bath/shower as I just find it too upsetting. Its easier to close my eyes and let him deal with it...out of sight, out of mind.

Its over an hours' drive to the hospital and all the way I'm chasing the ETA on my Sat Nav, inevitably I'm running late and getting stressed.
I land at the receptionist's desk at 10.57am, for an 11am appointment...and proceed to be ignored for 5 minutes as the two receptionists go about their business, discussing last night's TV with passing nurses, and basically appearing to do all they can to avoid dealing with me. I'm wondering if I'd mistakenly worn my invisible jumper when one of them deigns to notice me.
The checking-in process completed I take my seat, thankful that I'd remembered to pack a book into my handbag.

Two hours later and I'm regretting not putting two books into my bag, as I turn the last page on the book I started just two hours previously.

I sneak out of the open door for a cigarette, leaving my name with a fellow patient, also waiting patiently for their appointment, also two hours after their allotted appointment time.

Finally, 2½ hours after my appointed time of 11am I am called in to see Dr H. The first thing he asks me is if I've had my CT Scan yet. Sadly the reply is negative, and I can see from his expression that this meeting is kind of pointless without the CT results. We joke good naturedly about hospital efficiency. I point out that I am returning to the hospital in one week's time to see my Endocrinologist anyway, and wouldn't it be great if the CT Scan was scheduled for the same day, to save me an extra trip into the hospital...and we both laugh at this highly unlikely scenario. That would make far too much sense to whomever is responsible for scheduling such things.
Undeterred by my lack of CT Scan results, he proceeds to poke and prod at my neck anyway. He has a good poke in my ears (heaven only knows why?), pokes his torch up my nose....(well I suppose as an ENT Surgeon he wants to get his money's worth from any patient), before sticking his hands around my throat again for a further squeeze. He squirts yucky tasting stuff up my nose and assures me that my nose and throat will shortly go numb. I can taste ammonia, he tells me its benzocaine based....either way it stinks, and tastes horrible as it slides down the back of my throat....but it isn't half as unpleasant as the huge long scope he then pokes up my nose, and pushes down my throat. Quite a strange sensation....I don't think my throat is as numb as it should be, I can feel every centimetre of it and its at least 30cm long. Feels odd to talk to him, and answer questions, while this huge long piece of cable is sitting at the back of my throat, by way of my left nostril.
After it is removed my nose runs uncontrollably, and the attending nurse kindly passes me a packet of tissues. She advises me not to drink or eat anything for at least an hour, until the anaesthetic properties have worn off.
Dr H ponders what he has seen and announces that he thinks the Goitre on the right side has spread under my collarbone, and that this will make extraction more complicated. We will know more and have a clearer picture once this damned CT Scan has been done, but for now all we can do is speculate. Mysteriously he tells me that if it is down under my collarbone he won't be able to perform the surgery here....I assume 'here' means this hospital, but I'm not too sure what this statement means. he goes on to discuss other things and I forget to ask him to clarify this statement. I must remember to ask my Endo next week if he has any idea what this means.

Then the discussion turned to weightier matters...if you'll pardon the pun. He expressed concerns, on behalf of his anaesthetist, regarding my weight, and he stated that he'd like me to lose a minimum of 6 stone (preferably 8 stone) before he'd consider passing me over to his anaesthetist...I guess this means he won't be scheduling me for surgery either, until I lose this weight....regardless of my CT Scan results, and regardless of my thyroid problems. Oh, and he'd like me to ditch the smoking too...well that's a given, and is high up on my to-do list as it is.
I joked that I'd set about starving myself between now and my next appointment and he did have the good grace to apologise in advance for his crassness, as he quipped that "no fat people came out of Belsen".

I go back to him in 2 months time....14th of September to be precise, and I will try my hardest to have lost at least a stone or two by then. Oh, and I'll be pi**ed off if I haven't managed to give up smoking by then too. If I haven't had my CT Scan by then, well I guess it'll be yet another wasted appointment....got to love the Irish Health System....

Back Once Again

Seems I disappeared for longer than intended.

We had a weekend away camping, and that was disrupted by an emaciated stray dog who entered my life the day before we were due to leave.

So I've been very busy looking after her (still ongoing - and looking like a long term project) and learning all about greyhounds and greyhound mixes and their specific care needs. (She's approximately half the weight she should be)

She's gained 1.36 kilos in weight already though so I'm pleased with her progress...if only she and I could participate in a little weight swap ha ha! I'd gladly donate all of my spare weight to undernourished dogs!

Still off the smokes, and still giving the scales slightly less to hold up each week, so there are two positives already.

My new meds seem to be OK. They cut my Carbimazole back down to 30mg, and I finally relented on my BP Meds Argument, and consented to starting on Centyl-K, a diuretic. I bought a cheapo blood pressure monitor from my local pharmacy, and I've certainly noticed my BP coming down a little, so hopefully my doctor will concur. Maybe I shouldn't have fought against BP meds for all this time after all...?

The walking has slipped though, and I'm cross with myself for letting that go...need a kick up the bum and the discipline to get out there every morning again!